Turning Points by Edie Weinstein

As I write these words about my life, it is late October 2012. The crimson and golden leaves are tumbling ground-ward as I near an important anniversary, November 11th,  which marks one of the key turning points in my seemingly smooth-flowing life.

I invite you to take a journey with me, back to the year 1992. I was living in Homestead, Florida with my husband Michael and our newly adopted 5-year-old son Adam. We had relocated 1200 miles south of our Philadelphia area roots to be near my retired parents and to begin a second regional edition of Visions, a magazine we had started in 1988.  Our focus was wellness and spirituality, and we envisioned a life in paradise in which we could swim every day, enjoy the tropical foliage and avoid the perils of Mid-Atlantic winters.

Our son Adam came into our lives that February and a month later, I found myself lying on a stretcher in the local ER, hemorrhaging from a ruptured fallopian tube as the result of an ectopic pregnancy. I hadn’t known I was pregnant at the time and although the risks of dying were apparent, I had a sense of relative calm, almost as if I were outside myself, witnessing the experience.

A few months later, another challenge presented itself. Michael and I had been watching a local news program and one of the segments was about a little boy in the area who was in need of a bone-marrow transplant following a diagnosis of Leukemia. Michael looked at me and said:  “How about if we volunteer to become bone marrow donors, on the chance that one of us is a match for this child?”  The next day we drove to the Red Cross and went through that process.

In short order, we received a phone call telling us the Michael had tested positive for Hepatitis C, a newly recognized version of the virus that, if unchecked, could lead to cirrhosis or liver cancer. “There are many false positives,” said the woman on the phone. “You should get tested by your primary care doc just to be sure.” A test was re-run and the results sent us into a whirlwind. Michael was confirmed to have the disease and we discovered that he had likely contracted it in the 1970’s when he was on an ambulance squad – back then they did not take the precautions they do today.

We consulted with a friend who is a holistic MD and he described the condition in this graphic manner: “It is like rust that eats away at the structure of a bridge. Although it may be slow, eventually it breaks through.” He advised both mainstream and complimentary medical treatment. The former included Interferon and the latter involved herbs and supplements. The first sent him into a tailspin of side effects and until that point, he was asymptomatic. It presented as chemotherapy, minus the hair loss and like the second variation on the treatment did nothing to halt the disease.

Fast forward another two months and I found myself missing our old stomping grounds and the near-by support of friends. We had just purchased our new home and had no equity in it; we couldn’t afford to sell it and relocate once again. I mused about being able to move back north. This was clearly one of those ‘be careful what you wish for’ situations, thinking I should have been careful to clarify “clean, neat, easy and safe way”!

On August 24, 1992, a tropical depression morphed into a full-blown storm, one of the most intense and damaging ever seen. Hurricane Andrew made landfall and we were at Ground Zero, next to the Homestead Naval Airbase. Our house became uninhabitable and within six months, my wish was granted and another turning point transplanted us back to beautiful Bucks County, Pennsylvania. 

With that came yet another shift as Michael’s condition worsened and he found himself spending more time in hospital beds.  We jokingly expressed that he had “racked up frequent flyer miles” each time we passed through the Emergency Room doors. This continued for another five years and in the interim, Michael was placed on the UNOS list to receive a liver transplant, since his was rapidly giving up the ghost. He wryly said that the only way he would be #1 on the list, was when he was “flat on my back in the ICU on a ventilator.”

Michael’s words were prophetic when on November 11^th, 1998, he entered the hospital one final time in a coma. Before a transplant could take place, 5-½ weeks later Michael exited this life with one last ventilator assisted breath. With that culminating exhale, he let go of this corporeal existence. In an instant, that turning point, I was transformed from wife, caregiver and business partner, to 40-year-old widow and single parent of an 11-year-old son to support on my own.

Surrealistic is the best word to describe what I was feeling.  Exhausted beyond belief, but having the tremendous gift of the ‘Three F’s’ – Faith, Family and Friends, I was sustained and encouraged during and through that time of loss and grief.

My life has truly been transformed.  In the distant past I practiced ‘savior behavior’ and was a co-dependent caregiver who thought she could heal, save, cure and fix the world.  Today, when I look into the mirror, I see an incredibly resilient woman who has not only survived, but has also flourished.

I have evolved into a seasoned woman who has become a freelance journalist, motivational speaker, author, ordained interfaith minister, and a bereavement counselor. My intent is to assist others in moving beyond their own pain, loss and grief into an extraordinary life.

As I reflect upon the turning points in my life, these precious words from poet Mary Oliver come to mind…

The Journey

By Mary Oliver

“One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice–

though the whole house began to tremble

and you felt the old tug at your ankles.

Mend my life! each voice cried.

But you didn’t stop.

You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers at the very foundations,

though their melancholy was terrible.

It was already late enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen branches and stones.

But little by little, as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice which you slowly

recognized as your own, that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper into the world,

determined to do the only thing you could do–

determined to save the only life you could save.”

Bio – Edie Weinstein

Rev. Edie Weinstein, MSW is a graduate of the New Seminary in New York City, Reiki Master and an ordained Interfaith Minister assigned to the staff of  The Interfaith Temple.  She earned a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Psychology from Glassboro State College (now Rowan University) in 1981 and a Master of Social Work Degree from Rutgers University in 1985. Since that time, she has worked with individuals, couples and families facing life challenges.

Edie is also an internationally recognized, colorfully creative journalist, interviewer and author, and a sought-after inspirational  speaker.  Her first best selling book entitled The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming the Ordinary Into The Extraordinary.

In 1988, along with her husband Michael, Edie co-founded Visions Magazine, a monthly publication focusing on alternative health, psychology & spirituality. She has interviewed such notables as Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Grover Washington, Jr., Olympia Dukakis, Ben & Jerry, Patch Adams, Shirley MacLaine, Kenny Loggins and Dennis Weaver.  Over the years, Edie has written for many mainstream and transformational publications.

Metamorphosis Your Stories 

Essence of Laurel

A Fighter’s Spirit by Jillian Bullock

Three and a half years ago, while training in mixed martial arts, I suffered a torn rotator cuff. After surgery and extensive rehab my doctor told me to hang up my gloves – that my days training in boxing and martial arts were over. The doctor said that it was one of the worst tears he had seen and warned me that if I tried to go back to training, I could forever lose the use of my right arm.

This was shattering news for me. I had over thirty years in sports and fitness. As a former competitive athlete, I was making a living as a certified personal trainer, a group fitness instructor and the creator of “Fighting Spirit Warriors” (a self-defense fitness program for girls and women). The doctor’s devastating news felt as if someone had kicked the wind out of me. Not being able to train challenged the fighter within me; I gained over 50 pounds and my confidence and self-esteem began to plummet.

 You see,  my fighter’s spirit was being severely challenged – fitness and training in boxing, wrestling and the martial arts have always been my way of coping with hardships, challenges and obstacles in my life. When I was raped at age eleven by a family friend, I began training in Tae Kwon Do to help defend myself and to ease the raw emotional pain and anger I felt inside. At age fifteen, when I became homeless after my mother kicked me out of the house, I managed to continue going to karate class to get my black belt. In my twenties, I survived a difficult divorce by training to achieve a black belt in Wing Chun. In my thirties, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and turned to wrestling to help me overcome my depression and to “fight” the disease. There has never been a moment in my life when I did not use fitness and training to help me get through some of the toughest of times.

I finally called upon ‘my fighter’s spirit” and did what I knew would be best for me! Using my knowledge and expertise as a personal trainer, I came up with a fitness program for myself. Training slowly and steadily,  I have vigorously worked towards getting back into “fighting shape.”In fact, I now train three hours a day, six days a week. My personal fitness program includes weight-training, cardio conditioning drills, yoga, endurance and plyometric training, as well as boxing and mixed martial arts.

Many individuals have asked me to speak at their businesses, organizations, or events because they feel that my “fighter’s spirit” story inspires, uplifts and empowers people from all walks of life. As a fitness expert, motivational speaker and empowerment coach, I use my story, knowledge and experiences to help other people learn how to use fitness to get into shape and to overcome obstacles in their lives.

During my empowerment speeches I tell audiences life is similar to a fight in the ring – that individuals who want to overcome challenges and obstacles should “look into” the mindset of a champion fighter.  The fighter may be getting his butt kicked; may go down to the mat repeatedly; may have broken ribs and a broken nose – but the champion fighter would rather be carried out on a stretcher than to quit or throw in the towel!

Today I am embarking on a tour called “The Fighting Spirit Warriors: Fit 2 Fight to Have A Safe Life.” During this one-year tour I will be traveling throughout the country with the mission “to reach and to teach” one million girls and women about why being physically fit is so vital in helping to reduce their chance of becoming a victim of rape, sexual assault or domestic violence. This includes teaching safety tips and preventive measures about how to spot a predator and the RED Flag Warning Signs of an abuser.

My philosophy is that having a fighter’s spirit is vital in order to deal with everything life throws at you. My motto is  “When life deals you hardships and challenges which threaten your happiness and success, you have a choice – either lie down and quit or stand up and fight!”

I am grateful that I listened to my own “fighter’s spirit” and never gave up my dream to help people. It is my life mission to embolden individuals to be victors, not victims!

Fall seven times, stand up eight  ~  Japanese Proverb

Bio – Jillian Bullock

Jillian Bullock, who is a former reporter for the Wall Street Journal, is an author, an award-winning writer and filmmaker, a fitness expert, a motivational speaker and empowerment coach. She is also the CEO of Jaguar Productions, Inc., a film and sports entertainment company and the CEO of Jillian Bullock Enterprises, LLC, a fitness, wellness and empowerment company.

As a former competitive martial artist and boxer with over 30 years in the fitness business, Jillian, who has a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and Wing Chun, uses her fighting and fitness education and skills in several roles including a certified personal trainer, a certified group instructor, and a certified kickboxing instructor. Jillian is also the creator of Fighting Spirit Warriors, a fitness for self-defense program aimed at girls and women.

Jillian is currently writing the book Fighting Spirit Warriors: Why Being Physically Fit is Vital for Self-Defense Against Rape, Sexual Assault or Domestic Violence and is also working on her first fitness DVD.

Metamorphosis Your Stories

Essence of Laurel

A Vision Quest to Transform the World by Salvatore Gencarelle

When I was a young man, I had my first spiritual Vision Quest which altered the way I saw the world and forever affected my entire outlook on life. This experience, described below, brought me to an understanding that the natural world was calling out to those who would listen.

While in a dream state, I saw the entire world from a distance ~ looking at it from the highest level of atmosphere. At first I saw what appeared to be a healthy planet with clean clouds, blue skies, sparkling water and lush land. But as I approached the Earth, I passed through the clouds and began to notice noxious smells and unusual discolorations of the clouds and air. The closer I came to the ground, the stronger the smells and the more hazy brown everything appeared. When I came to stand with my feet on the earth, I saw the cause of these unnatural odors and views – massive pollution.

I looked around and noticed chemical fires burning in so many forms all across the land and sea; humans walking in a city oblivious of the toxins that engulfed them, and completely unaware of the damage happening to the greater world.  A haze surrounded each person and their eyes were half shut – downcast as they shuffled to and from work.

This toxic chemical soup wasn’t just limited to the places of human habitation – it was also spreading to remote places of nature. I saw sick and dying animals – rivers, lakes and oceans with waters running with dead fish floating upon the surface. I watched in horror as the world I loved seemed to be suffering and dying.

I also saw a “Web of Life” – visible lines of connection which link each part of creation with the other. Far out in nature the lines were mostly strong, thick, and glowing with a green light. Each plant, tree, and animal had many intersecting lines that formed a complex grid of support.

The strands became frayed, thin, or completely broken as I drew near to the polluted human world. Many of the people walking the streets had few lines of connection and seemed to be walking in a fog – lost, without a way to remove the haze that covered their vision.  

I realized that people had lost contact with what is really important in life and had entered into a rutted existence that cut them off from a happy or healthy way of living. Their minds were emersed in murkiness and they were unable to see a way out. Because of how these humans were thinking and living, the natural world suffered as well.

The damage to the earth that human pollution wreaked had passed a critical point—the earth could no longer be healed merely by physical means. We could no longer just drive less, or turn off the lights, or recycle our garbage to fix the root of our pollution problems. We needed a change on a much deeper level. In my mind I asked how did this happen? How did people become so careless that we were destroying the earth – the very source of life? I asked what I could do about this, how could I help?

This is when my metamorphosis began. It guided me to look towards the indigenous teaching of the Native Americans. I was compelled to embark on a mission to find out what this meant for me. Through a series of powerful synchronicities, I met a Native American healer from the Lakota Sioux Tribe ~ one of the last direct links to ancient Native American ceremony and rituals. I quickly became an assistant, a “Helper,” supporting this healer with traditional ceremonies. Within a few years I was living with and eventually married into the family.

I learned about the traditional Vision Quest ceremonies, and how these ancient rituals were passed on to others in order to help them maintain their connections. I was taught how to seek Visions in a precise and consistent way, learning how the ceremonial process helps one to find deep understanding and transformation. Vision Quests enable people to live in health, happiness, and balance with the world.

Since my first experience, I have gone through many personal Vision Quests. Each one has added a new layer of understanding and awareness, and has increased my love, compassion and connection to people, nature and myself. These quests have allowed me to get closer to the true meaning of my life and the Infinite Universe.

Walk with your heart and mind together as one and the path will unfold before you.”  Salvatore Gencarelle

Bio – Salvatore Gencarelle

Salvatore Gencarelle is a freelance writer and traveler.  Native American culture and religious beliefs have been shrouded in mystery. For centuries people the world over have been instinctively drawn to learn more about Native American Traditions, but only a few have ever fully stepped into the incredible world of Native American Spirituality. Salvatore Gencarelle is one of these few.

At the age of 15, Salvatore became a ceremonial assistant to a modern day Lakota Sioux Medicine Man, the great-grandson of “Chipps”, the adopted brother and ceremonial protector of the famous warrior Crazy Horse. For over 17 years Salvatore was taught Native American Rituals of the Lakota Sioux. He was mentored in the ceremonies such as the sweat lodge, vision quest, sacred pipe, sacred songs and the Sundance. He became what’s known as a “Helper”; a person who works with the sacred powers of the world to assist humanity true health and happiness. During these 17 years Salvatore also lived and worked on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation, married into a Native American family and had 3 sons. He was fully immersed into the ancient ceremonial practices and also the modern life of the Lakota people.

From Salvatore’s experience and through spiritual guidance comes the book “A Man Among the Helpers.’ This book gives a glimpse into his personal journey on the path of Native American Culture and spirituality. He openly shares portions his life experiences and the principles and practices he has learned along the way. Through the book people are introduced to these sacred ceremonies and the concept of becoming a Helper. These sacred ceremonies are gifts to all humankind to help humanity live and continue life upon the Earth.

Salvatore is also an artist, photographer, freelance writer, a musician, and a healer working both the traditions of the Lakota and the modern world. He now travels extensively around the world to share his experiences and wisdom with all people, helping other to find balance and health and happiness.

More information can be found at the author’s website. http://manamongthehelpers.com/home/

Metamorphosis Your Stories 

Essence of Laurel

Life Transformation - A Fall to New Heights by Sidney Andrews

My story is provocative and poignant as it details a life transformation unexpected in my wildest dreams. It speaks to my life and love of/for another woman, a metamorphosis that took place following my chance encounter with Kate at a prayer meeting in August of 1973. Husbands, children, family, nor friends would be spared the fury of the tumultuous and devastating storms this chance meeting would elicit, or the fall out that would surely ensue.

It speaks to my thunderous fall from the insidious and slowly crumbling pedestal on which my family, friends and prayer partners had placed both Kate and me on seeing us as perfect wives, mothers and friends. For a time, we were drawn to the depths of hell where the painful existence of living double lives exacted a horrendous toll on our psyches. We were living a lie and our spirits were shriveling and dying little by little.

Mine is a riveting and enduring story, as it reveals the struggle, tragedy and triumph of two women who, having fallen from grace, didn’t know if they’d ever recover and learn to fly again. It captures succinctly the myriad questions that plagued our minds and hearts. How could this happen? Why us? What do we do now? We had husbands, children, beautiful homes, families, friends and all the security life could offer.

Were we willing to risk it all for the seduction of an unexpected and unsought after love that knew no boundaries? Would we sacrifice this love that had found us, for our husbands and children, or would we choose the road less traveled, a road that would demand the absolute truth at every turn; a path that would entail the execution, or the death of blame and excuses, in exchange for trust and faith in ourselves and the unknown?

It appeared our images, once graced by love, were in the process of being destroyed by love; a love we couldn’t explain, nor understand.Even the years of spiritual learning and growth that Kate and I had enjoyed from the first we met, seemed all too fruitless as we faced the fearful unknown.

This is a story of an incredible and often miraculous journey of a life transformation that proved and challenged my mind and spirit. It is a powerful, yet painful story of faith, love, tough choices and learning to fly again. My life’s journey is an emotionally charged story that spans the bridge between love and loathing, sadness and joy, anger and understanding and perhaps in the final analysis respect for two women, who in the face of painful choices, wrought with dire consequences, did not choose the path of least resistance.

My loving another woman broke all the rules and crossed the boundaries of what is acceptable in society and what is not. It’s much more than a love story. It speaks to the risks, responsibility and the ridding oneself of fears; it’s about baring the truth with all the good, bad and ugly that it personifies; moreover, it’s a spiritual journey that not only defies, but soars above reason and logic!

Mine is a life-changing story that showed me the strength of the human spirit when confronted with adversity, indecision, fear and the seemingly insurmountable obstacles and choices that are often and unexpectedly laid at our feet as we journey through life.

I discovered the authentic truth of God’s love for me in spite of my circumstances. When my life was thrown off track, unraveling and falling apart, I realized the power of truth, trust, faith and the indomitable spirit within.  The proof of my trust in self and a power greater reflected a God whose vision penetrated far beneath my physical being, to my mind, heart and spirit.  As I put one foot in front of the other, facing a world unknown to me, it was clear that God didn’t base His love on “what” I was, but rather “who” I was, and how much I was willing to trust Him.

I’ve learned to approach all problems, obstacles and events from the world behind my eyes, where the essence of each one of us dwells. I’ve discovered that living my authentic truth and best life, enables me to give the best of who I am to others. My greatest lesson has been learning to listen to my spirit for guidance, rather than the ego that would attempt to manipulate and control my life’s journey.

Today, thirty-nine years later, Kate and I continue to grow together. We’ve learned the value of living from our essence or spirit. The world outside ourselves holds no power unless we give it permission. We’ve realized that “our thoughts will take us anywhere we want to go, or keep us from getting there.” Moreover, we’ve discovered the first line of defense, is to go within for the answers we seek.

Originally published in 2012

Life is full of surprises and unexpected events. It’s how you maneuver through life’s journey, with its twists and turns, that determines whether or not you live your best life and give of your best self.

Sidney Andrews – Bio

Sidney Andrews is an author, encouragement speaker and retired nurse with a degree in psychology. Her first book is a memoir titled “A Fall to New Heights.” Though it’s a provocative and compelling love story that speaks to an unexpected lifestyle change, the thrust of the book is spiritual in nature, as well as empowering, encouraging, inspiring and renewing.

Her second book is titled “Journey into Thought: Awakening to Spirit.”  It speaks to the power of our thoughts and living from spirit

Sidney Andrews is a mother of three grown children. She is an author, encouragement speaker and contributing writer for examiner.com. You can view her articles at: http://www.examiner.com/spirituality-in-west-palm-beach/sidney-andrews

Her passions include writing to empower, encourage, inspire and renew the dreams, visions and goals of those  searching for the answers to living their authentic truth and best lives. She loves spending time learning and growing spiritually with her partner,family and friends and values the solace that her 25×80 foot garden offers, when she’s caring for or just sitting about and taking it all in. Sidney retired to Port St. Lucie, FL nine years ago, with her partner, Kate, of thirty-nine years.

Metamorphosis Your Stories 

Essence of Laurel

Finding My Joy - the Power to Change by Victoria Reynolds

I was born and raised in a closed fundamentalist, polygamist community in the mountains of Montana. Although I left my home, my family and my religion as a teenager;  I was unaware until many years later what a strong impact my childhood had over me.  It was standing in the way of the joy that I yearned for and holding back the power to change.

Several years ago I began a business that I felt in my heart would make a difference in the world and I would find the happiness I had been seeking all of my life. I had owned several businesses before, quite successful ones, but this new venture would leave its mark and bring me the fulfillment that had continued to elude me.

When that business failed, along with the windfall of business failures in our most recent economic storm, I was devastated. My dream had been pulled out from beneath me and I was helpless to keep it alive. I had invested the equity from my home and countless hours away from my husband and small children, feeding a business that was meant to bring joy to other overburdened mothers like myself.

Then everything in my life began to crumble around me. My husband lost his job, one of my children was diagnosed with a learning disorder and I suspected the other one would follow suit. I was faced with bankruptcy and the possibility of losing my home.  We were living off of nothing more than credit cards and hope.  It was then that I found myself in the throws of my mid-life crisis. My life was anything but joyful!

I had lost the passion and enthusiasm I once had in my younger years and I knew I needed to find myself again, to find the power to change. Out of depression and desperation I created a notch in my day for me. At the recommendation of a friend I started walking each morning. I began getting up every morning a half-hour before anyone else to venture outside.  In the beginning it wasn’t easy, it was dark and cold and I thought I must be crazy. But I was determined to find myself.  If my baby woke up early I put him in the stroller, still in his pajamas, and strolled the streets of my community in search of anything that could lead to what resembled peace. In those early morning walks I discovered the glory of the sunrise and the opportunity that came with each new day.  The fresh calm air cleared my mind, my body and my soul, and I began to reconnect with myself.

In my thirty minutes a day of introspection and contemplation I made brilliant discoveries about myself. I wasn’t in a mid-life crisis. I was in a mid-life awareness, a mid-life reawakening, and a mid-life rebirth. It was in those morning walks that I began to find my true self and see the possibilities of life. I discovered that my life was nothing more than my own perceptions and sometimes illusions. And I discovered that I had the power to change my perceptions.

In the quiet of morning I found gratitude.  I stopped focusing on the tragedy and instead began to focus on my abundance, focus on everything good and right in my life.  When I did it caused a shift in my perception. My attitude began to sway from negative to positive and the ache in my heart melted away.

It was from this place of gratitude that I was able to forgive and let go of blame. I had blamed my partner for the loss of my business, blamed my husband for making poor financial choices, and blamed the school for failing to recognize my child’s needs.  I blamed myself for not being able to see or speak my truth.  I had allowed everyone around me to control my life out of my own fears and insecurities. In my letting go of blame I discovered freedom. A massive burden lifted from me that allowed me to move more peacefully though my life.

And I became more self-centered.  Not in a hurtful selfish way that took away from anyone else, but in a way that was beautiful and uplifting for myself and those around me.  I came to fully understand that I cannot give what I do not have. I gave myself more time to connect with my body, my mind and my soul.  I started honoring, respecting and loving myself.  I began feeding my body healthy nutritious food and fed my mind books that improved my spirit. And I began writing.  My pen connected me to my source of inspiration and in the process I found my purpose.  I found that the fear-based beliefs that had been placed on me as a child were preventing me from knowing my own truth and discovering my true worth and potential.

In focusing on my own needs,  I found compassion for myself, for who I had been and what I had experienced in my life.  In compassion and patience with myself, I began overflowing with patience and compassion for my family, for all of humanity and for the world around me.  In my compassion for myself I began working through my fears, turning them into love. In this process I discovered the joy I had been seeking all of my life.  It was always within me.  All I had ever needed to do was take the time to look for it.

It took a massive breakdown of everything I thought I knew to bring me home to myself and to find the power to change.  And although the chaos did not instantly disappear, it could no longer infiltrate my spirit.

I found myself and I found my joy!

“Religion and Spirituality are like peanut butter and honey.  

The have been sandwiched together so long that most people do not realize 

they are two separate and very distinct flavors”

Victoria M. Reynolds – bio

Victoria M. Reynolds is the Spiritual Liberation Catalyst™. She is a leader in the movement for personal transformation and spiritual freedom. Through her personal life experiences she shares with others the process of moving in to a joy filled life. As a child Victoria knew only the physical, emotional and spiritual constraints of living in the absolute control of her religion. She was born into a fundamentalist, polygamist commune where she spent her childhood indoctrinated into a life she knew was not right for her.

At the age of seventeen, out of desperation for a more meaningful life, Victoria found her way out of the commune and into the world she had been taught her entire life to fear. She chose to leave behind the only life she knew and go in search of happiness.  She was young, naïve and penniless. Out of necessity she became a survivor. She used her own ingenuity and resourcefulness to navigate her world and heal herself from the trauma of her youth.

Through her own process of finding her individual truth she found the joy and fulfillment she sought after.  She liberated herself physically, emotionally and spiritually from the fear-based dogmatic teachings of her childhood. It is her purpose and mission to inspire others through her stories, insights, interviews, presentations and films, to free themselves from the beliefs that hold them captive and live in their own personal truth.

Victoria is a transformational author, visionary speaker and documentary filmmaker. She is the author of “Transcending Fear: The Journey to Freedom and Fulfillment” and “The Polygamist Daughters Blog.” To learn more about Victoria, her message and her presentations visit www.victoriamreynolds.com

Metamorphosis Your Stories

Essence of Laurel

How My Family Survived Suicide by Carl David

This is about the emotional story of how my family survived suicide – the struggle to endure after my older brother at age 22 took his life. I was just 16 years old. The effects on my family and myself were devastating, beyond description. We had but two choices; to pull together or tear each other apart. We chose the former and used every bit of strength to rebuild our lives.

We had to start over with each sunrise because the after effects were so persistent; the pain so ever-present that at times it seemed insurmountable. We wondered if we would ever be able to move forward and regain some semblance of life, wondered how we would survive my brother’s suicide. The challenges were monumental, as every day was day one.

After a period of time, life does go on with us or without us – we had to forge on and live for ourselves and for my brother. He would have wanted that. We knew that whatever the cause that pushed him to that final edge of desperation; if he’d known the pain that his loss would cause, he never would have ended his life.

As a father, my perspective became ever more profound. While our children were growing up the haunts of the past were always there – our caution flags were always “on guard.” We never spoke of my brother’s death until our children were of sufficient age to understand and not be frightened – suicide is a very sensitive issue for the surviving family members.  We knew that they needed know, almost as a safeguard, so that by understanding the degree of destruction such an act leaves on a family, they would never consider it.

• Kids have to be taught that no matter what, no matter how desperate they feel, they are loved, there is help for them, they are not alone and that suicide is never ever the answer. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Life is a gift and every day we wake up is a blessing. No matter the difficulty, we get a redo. We have the luxury of choice in how we will spend our time and what we will do with it.

There are triggers that vault you backward in an instant. When we hear of someone who has taken their life, our scab is ripped off and we weep with an involuntary kinship. There is a common ground as we’ve been thrust into an unwanted membership to this God-awful club. We feel for them; we know their pain. We want to reach out to comfort them; to let them know that they are not alone, they will survive; we all do.

It is always present, that persistent bit of pain that lurks just beneath the surface, waiting to nudge you back to reality when it awakens with just the slightest influence. We must acknowledge it and never shut it out; we cannot deny who we are and all of the experiences that build upon our foundation. We take ourselves with us wherever we go; that library of records within which defines us and makes us individual.

• Suicide claims more than a million lives each year and leaves more than five million to mourn them. It knows no boundaries; not age, gender, color, race or nationality. Its victims are drawn by drugs, depression, disease, sexual confusion, bullying, peer pressures, feelings of desperation and immeasurable levels of inadequacy. Teens and young adults are especially vulnerable. The only way to thwart this unforgiving act of violence is to confront it by raising levels of awareness so that it is spoken about rather than looking the other way, fueling the veil of shame and secrecy that keeps it thriving and killing innocent people. That is why I have come forward with my story.

• If you know someone who is on that final edge of hopelessness, reach out to him or her. Get them to talk to a family member, a friend, a rabbi, a priest, a doctor, a nurse, a bartender, even a stranger. There are so many avenues of help available, 911, contact organizations, suicide hotlines and the list goes on. Don’t hesitate, second-guess or wonder, just do it. Better to be a little over-zealous than wishing you would have acted sooner. You might just save a life. Remember, “Whoever saves a life saves the world entire….”

Although I am a well-respected art dealer, my real passion is reaching out to those on that edge of final desperation and extending to them a vision of hope; inspiring them to live, not die. At 63 years of age, having lived through and survived the horrific experience of my brother’s suicide, I am awakened to the real purpose in my life. I am on a mission to save lives…. even one. This is my way of paying it forward – by taking the darkest days of my life and helping those on that final edge of desperation to see that they are loved, that there is help for them and that they are not alone.

I need to let those who have walked a similar devastating path know that life does go on and that life is for the living, that we do survive. Our scars become an integral part of us as the experiences imprint our souls, but it is what we do with that information that makes us who we are in the end. I lived it and need to share my story first hand so that it will spare others from going through it. 

Originally posted in 2012

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. Eleanor Roosevelt

Carl David – Bio

Born in Philadelphia, Carl David is the third descendant of a four-generation art dealer family specializing in American and European seventeenth, eighteenth, nineteenth- and twentieth-century paintings, watercolors, sculptures and drawings. Carl earned a Bachelor of Arts with a degree in business in 1970 from Oglethorpe College in Atlanta, Georgia.

He is the author of Collecting and Care of Fine Art published by Crown Publishers (1981). Carl’s article “Martha Walter” appeared in the May 1978 issue of American Art Review. Many art journals and financial magazines query Carl for his perspective on the state of the art markets in light of the fact that his gallery has been in business since 1910. It is considered to be a standard in the industry and is given the utmost of respect for its integrity, knowledge and pursuit of excellence.

For many years, Carl has had a serious interest in and has been a proponent of all aspects of healing. Of particular interest is “hands on” healing and energy work. Animals are of special love to Carl and are drawn to him as he is to them. He has worked on several over the years. It is as though an invisible thread connects him to them. He has woven spirituality and energy work into his daily life.

As a firm believer in “paying it forward,” Carl knows that karmic debts must be paid, and is very cognizant of keeping a clear conscious and doing the right thing. What goes around comes around, inevitably. Life has thrown him some nasty turns, but instead of being bitter and resentful, he has tried to learn from each experience and shift his focus toward something positive.

Carl’s latest book, “Bader Field; How My Family Survived Suicide” is available at  authorsden.com, amazon.com

Metamorphosis Your Stories

Essence of Laurel

Mixed Messages-Unfolding Beliefs by Hannah Bellaff

Both of my parents were Holocaust survivors.  Dad was about 17 and Mom 15 when the German army occupied their hometown in Lodz, Poland (they did not know each other at that time). They were made to wear the Star of David because they were Jewish and were placed in the ghetto where many people became ill and died from malnutrition and diseases.  This way of life went on for about four years. Then one day they were stuffed onto a cattle train with many other people.  Destination – Auschwitz (the death camp).

It was a terrible journey and many did not survive it.  Upon their arrival at Auschwitz-Birkenau, they were separated from their families. Mom had a younger brother and sister. She and her brother were the only survivors. Their youngest sister was ripped from their mother’s arms, screaming wildly from fear – her screams lived with them for the rest of their lives.  This was the last time they saw their parents and younger sister.  Dad had seven sisters and was the only survivor.  I’ll spare you those details.

Mom and Dad met right after the war in Munich, Germany.  They married soon after, and I was born one year later.  I remember Mom, always loving, tender and spiritual, lighting the Sabbath candles every Friday night.  Dad, on the cynical side, didn’t care much.  Mom told me she felt there has to be a God for her to have survived the Holocaust.  Dad, on the other hand, felt there could not be a God because a God would not have allowed such atrocities.

As a child living with parents who were “Survivors” I remember having an innate faith and belief in God, notwithstanding the different beliefs my parents held.

When I turned five, my parents told me we would be moving to America and live in a place called Brooklyn, New York.  As we approached Liberty Island everyone on the ship went on deck to see the Statue of Liberty.  We all cheered as the ship passed by her.  I didn’t understand, but I knew we had arrived. 

We settled into our new home and new way of life.  Years later my best friend declared that she was going to become an atheist (she felt that if you couldn’t see God, he was not real). After hearing what she said, and being confused by my parents’ mixed messages, I thought my friend’s way of thinking made perfect sense – so I decided that I, too, would become an atheist.

But that night I felt uneasy, had difficulty sleeping and had a strong sense that something was “missing”.  The next morning the feeling persisted.  I went through the entire week weepy and sad.  What was wrong with me?  How could “not believing” make me feel so empty inside?  

Recalling my Mom’s experience during the Holocaust, her courage and convictions, made me think about my decision. I realized that I often prayed to God and my prayers were always answered – not necessarily the way I had hoped for but, nonetheless, they were answered.  As soon as I recognized that I believed in the existence of God and that it was an important part of who I was –  it felt like a spiritual awakening.  Despite my parents’ mixed messages, I was comforted by the choice I made for myself.

Since those early years, I have had both joyful as well as difficult life experiences.  Sometimes the difficulties brought back some doubts, but the uncertainties soon disappeared as I recalled the feelings I experienced as a young girl, welcoming God back in.  Knowing and trusting those feelings gave me the courage to persevere and work it through.

Today, I have grown to value and appreciate life’s challenges.  Every situation brings with it an opportunity to learn about myself and to grow.  This is my journey.  Through it all I have come out stronger, and so have my beliefs.  As Ram Dass said “It’s only when caterpillarness is done that one becomes a butterfly. That again is part of this paradox. You cannot rip away caterpillarness. The whole trip occurs in an unfolding process of which we have no control.”

It is significant to me that my story is being shared on Metamorphosis – Your Stories at the time of Rosh Hashanah (“Jewish New Year”) and Yom Kippur (“Day of Atonement”). Yom Kippur is considered the most solemn day of the year, and when I light the memorial candles I envision my mother doing the same. This meaningful tradition brings me to the very essence of my being; a place of peacefulness from which I connect to my inherent spirituality.

There are many paths to enlightenment.  Be sure to take the one with a heart.  

Lao Tzu

Hannah Bellaff – Bio

Hannah Bellaff, born in Munich, Germany in 1946, was five years old when she and her parents migrated to America to begin a new life. As an adult, after 30 years in the corporate world, Hannah discovered a path that led her to the “New Thought” movement and integrative healing therapies. She currently has a practice in Bradenton, FL.

During the Covid Pandemic, Hannah began to write her memoir. She never fancied herself to be a writer. However, hidden deep in her soul were the lingering shadows of her life experiences that she felt compelled to share. Hannah’s experiences of a dysfunctional childhood, two failed adult marriages and her search for clarity is compelling. In the midst of life’s transitions, she finds herself launched on a personal and spiritual journey of self-realization, freeing her from the constraints of her past. 

Hannah’s memoir, Chanala, A Daughter of Holocaust Survivors, imprints itself on you with its sheer honesty, a coming of age and a profound message for inner peace 

Metamorphosis Your Stories

Essence of Laurel

Before I was a Bully I Was a Victim by T. Gagliano, MSW

Before I was a bully I was a victim.  Some terrible things happened to me when I was a young boy and because of this hurt, I developed a bully mentality. I wanted the world to pay the bill for what happened to me as a kid.

I used intimidation as a child to get other children to do what I wanted. They knew I would hit first and ask questions later so they had better do what they were told.  At an early age I developed a destructive entitlement to placate the way that I was hurting inside – to justify my need to hurt others when things did not go my way.

Over time, I came to realize the damage I was doing to others and myself.  I became aware that I had to find out what was broken inside of me in order to understand what had to be fixed.  That is when my search into why some children become bullies and others their victim began.  

Today as an adult and a parent I have learned to give my children what my father was unable to give to me, to become their hero.  I found ways to give my children the positive and loving messages that were denied to me. I give them guidance to get them on track, and a shoulder to cry on when they are troubled or sad. My children can face the world with confidence and know I am here if they should stumble.

When my son was nine, we were watching a baseball game together on television. As the camera panned over the cheering fans, he asked me why the kids in the stands were so excited. I said that the players are heroes to those kids and I suggested that someday one of those players might be his hero. My son paused and said, “They may be my hero someday, but you will always be my first hero.”

The feats of the heroes I describe will not make the front page of any newspaper. But what headline can equal the love and admiration seen reflected in the eyes of your own child? The message is clear – we are our children’s first heroes, whether we want that responsibility or not.

Today, to pay it forward, I now help parents offer their children the inner strength they need to avoid being targeted by bullies.  Here are six key steps which will are important to remember and, from my experience,  I believe will be of help to you,  your children and your extended family:

1)   THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME – If a child doesn’t feel safe talking to his parents or loved ones about his feelings, fears, struggles or sexual orientation, he or she may begin to internalize those feelings and believe they deserve to be punished. There are times your child may tell you something you don’t want to hear but you need to keep all communications open regardless of what they say.  If not,  your child will suffer from an inner pain and many bullies detect this weakness and target their victims accordingly.

2)   BECOME NOSEY – Make it your business to know what your kids are up to. For starters, ask them what’s new and how they’re doing.  Know who their friends are, what they enjoy and be sure you monitor the websites they visit.  They will most likely resist your intrusion, but when they’re older they’ll realize you’ve done this out of concern and love and they matter to you.

3)   LET COMPASSION BE YOUR GUIDE – When your child struggles, try not to overreact. Take a deep breath and deal with it after you’ve calmed down.  Remember, consequences are necessary, but make sure that when you administer them, that once again, they know it’s out of concern and love. Let compassions guide what you say and the way you say it.

4)  DON’T WRITE THE SCRIPT – Children need guidance, but having unrealistic expectations only serves to push them further away. We all want our children to read the script we wrote on the ways they should act and think. Unfortunately there are times we need to relinquish our need to be right and choose closeness instead.  Just listening to them is the best way to get them to listen to you.

5)   ALLOW FAILURES – Let your children know that it is ok to make a mistake and that making a mistake doesn’t make them a failure. If we deny our children compassion when they stumble, we negate a part of their humanity.  If they lose compassion for themselves they will lose compassion for others. This is one of the key elements in the bully mentality.  Many bullies have no compassion for themselves or others.

6)   WORK ON YOUR OWN SHORTCOMINGS – If you are struggling in certain areas of your life, show your children that it’s okay to reach out and ask for help. When you take responsibility for your own shortcomings you are modeling positive behavior for your children.  All of us have an inner critic to some extent. That little voice inside our head that doesn’t go away, reminding us of the things we’ve done wrong, never allowing us to celebrate our victories. If we don’t work on our own inner critic we will give this nemesis to our children whether we want to or not. 

“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?”  Rumi

Thomas Gagliano, MSW –  Bio

Along my path to a better life, I’ve had the opportunity to share my experiences and insights with people from all walks of life.  About ten years ago, I started to spend less time in the business world and more time helping those who suffered as I had from negative childhood messages.

Through my life experiences and the insights I’ve gained in my journey, I developed certain techniques which I applied to help others. I achieved this by facilitating  groups in my house, in schools and churches, free of charge.  The people who allowed me to help them are the ones who inspired me to  write my book, entitled  The Problem Was Me.  Also contributing to my book is Dr. Abraham Twerski, a noted psychiatrist and author.

I then went back to school and graduated with an MSW in August of 2011. Now I present myself as a life coach and a key note speaker. The Problem Was Me contains my life story and the story of other men and women who have found a better life through using the techniques in this book, which will bring hope to anyone who is paralyzed by their wounded past. It will also shed light for family and friends who do not understand why certain loved ones reject happiness and help whenever it’s offered.  Finally, The Problem Was Me, will provide the readers with a blueprint to give their children the loving and healthy messages that might have been denied to them.

YouTube Video stories about bullying: Six Bullying Prevention Tips for Parents

Website stories about bullying:  Author, The Problem Was Me

Email: tom@thomasgagliano.com

Metamorphosis Your Stories

Essence of Laurel