I was born and raised in a closed fundamentalist, polygamist community in the mountains of Montana. Although I left my home, my family and my religion as a teenager; I was unaware until many years later what a strong impact my childhood had over me. It was standing in the way of the joy that I yearned for and holding back the power to change.
Several years ago I began a business that I felt in my heart would make a difference in the world and I would find the happiness I had been seeking all of my life. I had owned several businesses before, quite successful ones, but this new venture would leave its mark and bring me the fulfillment that had continued to elude me.
When that business failed, along with the windfall of business failures in our most recent economic storm, I was devastated. My dream had been pulled out from beneath me and I was helpless to keep it alive. I had invested the equity from my home and countless hours away from my husband and small children, feeding a business that was meant to bring joy to other overburdened mothers like myself.
Then everything in my life began to crumble around me. My husband lost his job, one of my children was diagnosed with a learning disorder and I suspected the other one would follow suit. I was faced with bankruptcy and the possibility of losing my home. We were living off of nothing more than credit cards and hope. It was then that I found myself in the throws of my mid-life crisis. My life was anything but joyful!
I had lost the passion and enthusiasm I once had in my younger years and I knew I needed to find myself again, to find the power to change. Out of depression and desperation I created a notch in my day for me. At the recommendation of a friend I started walking each morning. I began getting up every morning a half-hour before anyone else to venture outside. In the beginning it wasn’t easy, it was dark and cold and I thought I must be crazy. But I was determined to find myself. If my baby woke up early I put him in the stroller, still in his pajamas, and strolled the streets of my community in search of anything that could lead to what resembled peace. In those early morning walks I discovered the glory of the sunrise and the opportunity that came with each new day. The fresh calm air cleared my mind, my body and my soul, and I began to reconnect with myself.
In my thirty minutes a day of introspection and contemplation I made brilliant discoveries about myself. I wasn’t in a mid-life crisis. I was in a mid-life awareness, a mid-life reawakening, and a mid-life rebirth. It was in those morning walks that I began to find my true self and see the possibilities of life. I discovered that my life was nothing more than my own perceptions and sometimes illusions. And I discovered that I had the power to change my perceptions.
In the quiet of morning I found gratitude. I stopped focusing on the tragedy and instead began to focus on my abundance, focus on everything good and right in my life. When I did it caused a shift in my perception. My attitude began to sway from negative to positive and the ache in my heart melted away.
It was from this place of gratitude that I was able to forgive and let go of blame. I had blamed my partner for the loss of my business, blamed my husband for making poor financial choices, and blamed the school for failing to recognize my child’s needs. I blamed myself for not being able to see or speak my truth. I had allowed everyone around me to control my life out of my own fears and insecurities. In my letting go of blame I discovered freedom. A massive burden lifted from me that allowed me to move more peacefully though my life.
And I became more self-centered. Not in a hurtful selfish way that took away from anyone else, but in a way that was beautiful and uplifting for myself and those around me. I came to fully understand that I cannot give what I do not have. I gave myself more time to connect with my body, my mind and my soul. I started honoring, respecting and loving myself. I began feeding my body healthy nutritious food and fed my mind books that improved my spirit. And I began writing. My pen connected me to my source of inspiration and in the process I found my purpose. I found that the fear-based beliefs that had been placed on me as a child were preventing me from knowing my own truth and discovering my true worth and potential.
In focusing on my own needs, I found compassion for myself, for who I had been and what I had experienced in my life. In compassion and patience with myself, I began overflowing with patience and compassion for my family, for all of humanity and for the world around me. In my compassion for myself I began working through my fears, turning them into love. In this process I discovered the joy I had been seeking all of my life. It was always within me. All I had ever needed to do was take the time to look for it.
It took a massive breakdown of everything I thought I knew to bring me home to myself and to find the power to change. And although the chaos did not instantly disappear, it could no longer infiltrate my spirit.
I found myself and I found my joy!
“Religion and Spirituality are like peanut butter and honey.
The have been sandwiched together so long that most people do not realize
they are two separate and very distinct flavors”
Victoria M. Reynolds – bio
Victoria M. Reynolds is the Spiritual Liberation Catalyst™. She is a leader in the movement for personal transformation and spiritual freedom. Through her personal life experiences she shares with others the process of moving in to a joy filled life. As a child Victoria knew only the physical, emotional and spiritual constraints of living in the absolute control of her religion. She was born into a fundamentalist, polygamist commune where she spent her childhood indoctrinated into a life she knew was not right for her.
At the age of seventeen, out of desperation for a more meaningful life, Victoria found her way out of the commune and into the world she had been taught her entire life to fear. She chose to leave behind the only life she knew and go in search of happiness. She was young, naïve and penniless. Out of necessity she became a survivor. She used her own ingenuity and resourcefulness to navigate her world and heal herself from the trauma of her youth.
Through her own process of finding her individual truth she found the joy and fulfillment she sought after. She liberated herself physically, emotionally and spiritually from the fear-based dogmatic teachings of her childhood. It is her purpose and mission to inspire others through her stories, insights, interviews, presentations and films, to free themselves from the beliefs that hold them captive and live in their own personal truth.
Victoria is a transformational author, visionary speaker and documentary filmmaker. She is the author of “Transcending Fear: The Journey to Freedom and Fulfillment” and “The Polygamist Daughters Blog.” To learn more about Victoria, her message and her presentations visit www.victoriamreynolds.com
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